When you feel crappy about yourself…

Question: When you feel super shitty about yourself what do you do?

A) Go on Facebook and compare yourself to your “friends” who proclaim their awesomeness?

B) Go to TMZ and read about the ridiculousness of Kimye’s wedding taking over Europe?

C) Go to the State Department’s site and read some REAL sobering news?

D) Drink a bottle of cheap prosecco from Trader Joes?

E) Whiz through your iPhoto and look at old pix of yourself when you were skinny, and allegedly happy?

F) Go for walk to clear your head?

G) Call you bestie… he/she will cheer you up?

H) Call your best gay… he/she will meet you for a cocktail to trash talk all of those “friends?”

I) Go for some retail therapy at Barneys and buy some over-priced crap you don’t need?

J) Take yourself out for the most carb-intensive meal you can find (fresh pasta ONLY, thank you very much)

K) Take yourself thrift shopping, see all of the gorgeous 50s retro home furnishings you wish you had, imagine you lived in the Mad Men era and could drink a Manhattan at lunch, then go back to work and type up a memo to the staff?

L) Go to your local Humane Society and play with the puppies?

M) Scoot over to the Tesla dealership, take one for a test drive then realize you DON’T have enough money to buy/lease one, so you wind up starting back at letter A?

N) Drink a bottle of cheap prosecco from Trader Joes and forget that you already mentioned drinking a bottle of cheap prosecco?

O) Stalk old boyfriends on LinkedIn, notice how successful they are then grab a steak knife out of the drawer…?

P) Call your Mom, have a long talk… and then have a whole host of other things to complain about?

Q) Guilt friends into joining you for dinner?

R) Get a pedicure, then realize how thankful you are that THAT’S not your job?

S) Look through old texts and realize you actually DON’T have a sick child, so all of this fussing about is complete and utter bullshit?

T)  Doll yourself up so you look like a geisha?

U)  Throw an impromptu theme party complete with all of the “friends” from Facebook, so you can gauge if their posts are real?

V)  Make up a bunch of superlative shit and post it on Facebook to make others feel shitty, too?

W) Take a bath.  Calgon take me away?

X)  Troll Facebook for old high school friends and notice just how f’ing fat they got?

Y)  Rub one out/spin the record because after all, nobody treats you better than you do?

Z) Ambien.

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